We hear the word feedback tossed around in a lot of contexts. Sometimes it comes with snarky connotations, sometimes it’s a plea, and sometimes it feels like a corporate formality. But we should all remember that feedback, when done well, is a gift.

Providing and receiving feedback can be a challenge. But the good news is that these are skills that can be learned. So what’s the secret to giving and receiving feedback well?

Giving feedback: four key elements

Giving corrective feedback can be harder for many of us than receiving it. We want to get our point across without damaging a relationship or generating hurt feelings. Happily, it is possible to give tough feedback while actually building trust. Here are 4 key elements to giving effective feedback:

• Specificity: What, exactly, is the behavior you’d like to change, and what, exactly, would you like them to do differently next time?
• Frequency: Don’t inundate staff with constant feedback, which can start to feel like bullying, but do maintain a regular rapport and incorporate a feedback element into routine one-to-one meetings.
• Objectivity: Reflect on the full situation, the circumstances and challenges impacting this person’s behavior. If you are feeling emotional about the behavior, either take some time to cool down or ask someone else to provide this particular feedback.
• Curiosity: Seek to understand the other person’s perspective. Maybe there are factors at play you weren’t aware of.

Specificity

People will struggle to act on feedback if it’s not very specific. Your audience needs to understand exactly what they did, why they are receiving the feedback, and what they could do differently next time. Without this clarity, it’s easy for recipients to discount your input.

One of my favorite approaches to providing specific feedback is called the SBI model, created by the Center for Creative Leadership. I’ve updated it slightly to add an “N.” Before initiating feedback, think through each of these elements of your feedback and be prepared to provide all of them:

• Situation: Explain when or where the behavior occurred
• Behavior: Describe what the person said or did (or failed to say or do)
• Impact: Explain how the behavior affected you, others, or the work
• Next: Detail how the person should behave the next time a similar situation arises

Frequency

In her book, Dare to Lead, Brené Brown describes an effective organization where, in lieu of annual feedback sessions that are often just a box-checking exercise, feedback loops are constant – and actually desired by staff. Leaders and employees are trained in detail on how to give and receive feedback, and everyone seeks it out routinely. That kind of feedback culture is obviously an extreme, but most organizations would be well-advised to build their own feedback muscle.

Feedback that is saved for an annual, or even quarterly, formal review is not nearly as effective as feedback that occurs when the behavior is fresh in everyone’s minds. While feedback should always be thoughtfully prepared, the relative informality of real-time or routine one-on-one conversations make them less fraught and easier for recipients to process.

Keep in mind, this goes for negative and positive feedback. If your feedback is always negative, you will have very unhappy employees. Positive feedback should also be shared regularly, with the same level of specificity as negative feedback. And while corrective feedback should generally be offered in private, it’s great to offer positive feedback as publicly as possible. If someone’s doing something right, they should know it, feel good about it, and everyone else should have the opportunity to learn from their excellence.

Objectivity

It can be difficult to stay objective when someone else’s actions have caused harm to another employee, a client, or the organization in some way. And yet, this is critical. For feedback to be received properly, its recipient must be able to understand how their actions were problematic. If they feel they are being attacked unfairly, publicly, or in some personal way, their behavior is unlikely to change. Or their behavior might change – while their engagement tanks.

If you recognize that someone’s actions have left you feeling personally upset with them, either take some time to further reflect – using the SBI+N model – or ask someone else in an appropriate position and with knowledge of the situation to provide feedback to that employee. And always wait until you have a private space to share critical feedback. An audience almost always generates defensiveness and undermines your objectives.

Curiosity

The SBI+N model is great for sharing your perspective on the situation, but frequently there are issues or conditions at hand that you’re not aware of. Feedback conversations should always offer the opportunity for the recipient to share their perspective – and for you to seriously reflect on it. It’s ok to adjust your feedback in real time based on a recipient’s response. In fact, it’s a key to building trust and confidence – it shows that you genuinely wish to get things right, that you’re not “out to get” anyone.

Receiving feedback: three key elements

It’s never fun to be on the receiving end of negative feedback, but we should look at it as a growth opportunity. Feedback is a gift – someone is helping you improve in ways you likely didn’t even know you needed to. Here are 3 key elements to effective feedback acceptance:

• Curiosity: Why am I receiving this feedback? How did my actions impact others?
• Objectivity: Would a reasonable bystander agree with this feedback? If so, don’t shoot the messenger!
• Positivity: Feedback gives us a chance to do our jobs better. This is a gift, and if it’s being offered with good intentions, we should receive it in that spirit.

Curiosity and Objectivity

Much like the process of providing feedback, it’s important to separate the message from the sender when receiving feedback, and to consider the situation fully. Avoid the temptation to become defensive and/or automatically lay the blame elsewhere. Seriously reflect on the information you’re being given. Did your actions have an unexpected impact on someone or something? Could you do it better next time? Would an objective bystander agree with the feedback you’re receiving?

It’s ok to offer your perspective, particularly if there is relevant information that the person providing feedback doesn’t have. Sometimes someone genuinely has it wrong. Clarifying the situation, without defensiveness – admittedly a tricky line to walk, is valuable to both parties. As noted above, in a good feedback loop, the other party will reflect on your position and adjust their guidance accordingly.

Positivity

As I’ve now mentioned several times, feedback is a gift. Someone is taking the time to help you do your job better. Hopefully they’re going about it effectively, but even if they aren’t, there are likely lessons to be gleaned from the information they provide. Take it as an opportunity to grow – self-improvement is always a good thing.

A final note on job fit

One final thing to keep in mind here is job fit. If someone in your organization is consistently falling short at particular tasks, despite trying to get it right, perhaps it’s time to reassign them. While we should all strive for growth and improvement, you will get the most out of your team members if you lean into their strengths, not their weaknesses. Find responsibilities that bring out the best in your team members and allow them – and your organization – to shine.

Could your team benefit from improved feedback skills and habits? KBCI offers training sessions – either stand-alone or as part of a broader retreat. If you’re curious about what this could look like for your organization, contact me to schedule a free, no-commitment conversation.